Write his name in your blood on a piece of white silk. Burn the silk in view of the moon while wearing a silver necklace and say a prayer to Aphrodite.
Make out with all his friends until he starts to wonder what your problem with him is.
Start a rumor that you like him. Make sure everyone hears about it. If anyone confronts you, deny the rumor vehemently, making as much of a scene as possible. Make note of any difference in the way he treats you.
Guys love being the hero. Put yourself in constant peril when he is around. Throw yourself into traffic. Juggle butcher’s knives. Intentionally give yourself alcohol poisoning. Nothing is more attractive than having to babysit you to keep you alive.
Start a rumor that he likes you. If he hears it enough times, he will assume it’s true.
Men are attracted to pheromones. Stop showering. It washes away the pheromones. Stop wearing deodorant. It masks the smell of the pheromones.
Steal a couple of his hairs. Speak an enchantment over them by the light of three red candles. Swallow the hairs and absorb them into your body.
In the case of incompatible sexual orientations, tell him he’s only [orientation] because he hasn’t had a real [gender you identify as] yet. Then wink several times in succession.
Murder any and all potential competition you may have for his heart. But, and this is important, definitely don’t get caught.
Write him endless amounts of flowery, emotional poetry. Stuff the poems in his coat pockets when he’s not looking.
Add all his friends on Facebook. Add his mom on Facebook. Send them all messages saying you and him are secretly dating, but you’d appreciate it they didn’t say anything about it to anyone ever out of discretion.
Find out what his favorite things are via social media and/or asking his friends, and become THE BIGGEST fan of every single one of those things. Love them even more than he does, and tell him so, constantly.
Make a bunch of copies of popular youtube videos with subliminal messages reading YOU ARE DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH [YOUR NAME] spliced in. Put the videos online. Send him links to the videos under the guise of showing him some random funny/cool video.
Flirt with his dad relentlessly to make him jealous. Sleep with his dad if you have to.
Act feminine and sweet but not TOO feminine and sweet. Be forward and direct but not TOO forward and direct. Be naturally beautiful but not so beautiful that it’s intimidating. Be friendly but not so friendly that you look lonely and desperate. Be everything and yet also nothing. Dissolve into a gentle mist and protectively surround him for the rest of his life. But not TOO protectively.
Dress like a 1950’s starlet and always be either languishing or sighing tediously when he is in your vicinity.
Appear aloof and unattainable. Pretend you can’t hear him whenever he speaks to you. Walk into him repeatedly as if you can’t even see him. “Forget” his name. Make him re-introduce himself every single time you cross paths.
Find out where he lives. Leave him a different gift on his doorstep every day. Some good gift ideas include dead mice, dead birds, dead frogs and dead turtles. Do not reveal that the gifts are from you until he is genuinely terrified for his life.
If all else fails, grab him by the collar and scream WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME right in his face. Guys love it when you’re honest and straightforward with them. There’s no need to play games here.
Tru Detctive 